he likes a girl who eats & brings it up

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant.
We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift. 
- Albert Einstein

i feel like fucking shit. i'm so fucking ugly. and so fucking fat. i fucking hate myself.

This journal is 90% private, & comments are screened.

"Love was the boy that always chased you around playing tag.
Cutting was something you did in art class.
The only time you didn't eat was when you weren't hungry.
Getting high meant swinging at the playground.
The worst thing you could get from boys was cooties.
Mom was your hero, and Dad was the boy you wanted to marry.
Your worst enemies were your siblings.
Race issues were who ran the fastest.
War was a card game.
Life was simple and carefree,
but all we wanted to do was grow up."







... how stupid were we?

Burn it down till the embers smoke on the ground
And start anew when your heart is an empty room
With walls of the deepest blue

Home's face: how it ages when you're away
Spring blooms and you find the love that's true
But you don't know what now to do 

Cause the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago

And all you see is where else you could be
When you're at home out on the street
Are so many possibilities to not be alone

The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
But you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
Cause you knew you were finally free

Cause all you see is where else you could be
When you're at home out on the street
Are so many possibilities to not be alone

And all you see is where else you could be
When you're at home there on the street
Are so many possibilities to not be alone

When we laugh indoors the blissful tones bounce off the walls
and fall to the ground.
Peel the hardwood backs
and let them loose from decades trapped and listen so still.

This city is my home construction noise all day long
and gutter punks bumming change.
So I breed thicker skin and let my lustrous coat fill in
and i'll never admit i loved you guenivere.

i loved you guenivere i loved you
I loved you Guenivere, I loved you Guenivere -- I loved you.
I loved you Guenivere, I loved you Guenivere -- I loved you.
I loved you Guenivere, I loved you Guenivere -- I loved you.
I loved you Guenivere, I loved you Guenivere -- I loved you.
I loved you Guenivere, I loved you Guenivere -- I loved you.
I loved you Guenivere, I loved you Guenivere -- I loved you.
I loved you Guenivere, I loved you Guenivere -- I loved you.

And I've always fallen fast with too much trust in the promising that
"No ones ever been here, so you can quell those wet fears"
and I want purity, I must have it here right now.
But dont you get me started now -- oh dont you get me started now 

dont you get me.. dont you get me?

December's chill comes late.
The days get darker and we wait for the direness to pass.
There's piles on the floor of artifacts from dresser drawers
that I'll help you pack... 

I loved you Guenivere, I loved you Guenivere -- I loved you.
I loved you Guenivere, I loved you Guenivere -- I loved you.
I loved you Guenivere, I loved you Guenivere -- I loved you.
I loved you Guenivere, I loved you Guenivere -- I loved you.